Fixing Things
by therockspectacle
Summary: But maybe she was trying to fix the wrong things. Maybe that’s why it hadn’t worked out. Takes place directly after Cocktails, spoilers through Cocktails. JimPam.
1. Chapter 1

-1A few notes before I begin the story:

1. This is my first fan fiction, but not my first fiction. I hope you enjoy!

2. I do not own The Office. I mean, I own the DVDs of Seasons 1 and 2, but besides that I own nothing but the plot.

3. This takes place right after Cocktails. This story is my way of getting through Office withdrawal for the next few weeks. So, look for updates often.

Here we go:

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Pam sighed as she put her car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot of Poor Richards. She tried hard not to let the tears spill over from her eyes, but it was increasingly more difficult the farther she got from the pub. Why couldn't things just work out? She'd been honest. She'd been courageous. Hadn't she? And yet, things were still falling apart around her. Why couldn't she fix things?

But maybe she was trying to fix the wrong things. Maybe that's why it hadn't worked out. If she was being honest with herself she knew that telling Roy wasn't going to fix anything, it wasn't going to make their relationship stronger. A relationship that was over anyway.

The tears pushed harder, threatening to blind her from the road. She pulled over and into an the abandoned parking lot of a church, put the car in park, and just let the tears roll.

The past few months had be torture for Pam. She had been watching the back of Jim's head for some kind of sign that she had made the right decision. She had been waiting for him to turn around, grin and say, "Pam, good for you!" Or just smile encouragingly. Or just look at her.

What was she doing with herself, anymore? She was doing nothing and going nowhere. She had taken a chance on something and she realized that she simply felt more miserable because of it. But she was determined to keep going, despite the misery, because she believed that Jim had been right.

But Jim couldn't even bother himself to turn around, anyway. So what did he know?

And Gil had reduced all her hard work and sacrifice into motel art in a single sentence.

And maybe things weren't so bad with Roy, after all. He had been so much sweeter and attentive. He really wanted to try. Maybe she had been right the first time around. Dreams are for dreamers and fairy tale love doesn't exist.

She would have walked away that night at the art show and never tried again, if it hadn't been for Michael.

And she never thought she'd say that.

She didn't want to be a motel artist. And she wasn't any good anyway. And life alone was just as frightening and horrible as she had feared. What was the damn point?

"I'm proud of you."

Someone was proud of her.

She can still do this. She can still be honest and courageous.

She flips open her phone. It rings once, twice, three times…

"Hello?" A feminine voice. This must be Karen.

"Hi, Karen? It's Pam. Pam Beesley." She tries to sound calm because she doesn't want to upset Karen, or make her suspicious of her motives. She just wants to warn Jim of what the night might bring.

"Hey, Pam." Karen says, quietly. Pam tries to ignore the steely cold tone in her voice.

"Can I talk to Jim?" Pam asks quietly and politely in, what she hopes, is a non-threatening way. Though she did call _Jim_'s phone and she shouldn't have to persuade someone to let her speak with him.

"Oh, no. He's not here" Karen says, her voice a little too high-pitched, "He left his phone at my place." Karen explains. Pam feels like a child asking too many questions. She feels like she shouldn't feel jealous that Jim leaves things at Karen's place. She's not sure what she feels.

"Okay, thanks. I'll just call his house. 'Bye" Pam hangs up.

She dials Jim's home phone and waits. Six rings later the answering machine picks up…

"You've reached Casa de la Halpert, please leave a message…"

Pam can hear the grin in his voice, and it simply stiffens her resolve. She has to talk to him. Tonight. Who knows what Roy might pull in the state he is in. And Jim needs to know.

BEEP!

"Jim? This is Pam. I need to talk to you. Tonight." Pam tries to keep her voice calm, but the rising panic she feels surfaces as she talks. "It's kind of important and… well, just call me back as soon as you can, okay?"

She tries not to think about what could happen if she doesn't reach him. Or what could have already happened. Or what might be happening right now.

She starts the car again. It's as if she's a woman on a mission. She cannot stop moving until she reaches him.

She makes her way to his house as quickly as she can, keeping her focus on the road and blocking all images of Roy tearing up the bar from her mind, trying not to imagine Roy tearing Jim's limbs from his body.

She pulls into his driveway and gets out of the car.

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End notes:

1. Yes, a short chapter. In fact, all of my chapters will be short. This is not deliberate, but I break when I feel it is right, I have no length requirement per chapter.

2. Please review! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


	2. Chapter 2

-11. I still don't own The Office

2. Thanks for the reviews, those of you who did!

Here we go:

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Jim sighed as he opened the door to his home, kicking off his shoes and throwing his tied to the floor, deciding to pick it up in the morning. It was nice not having a housemate, anymore, Jim thought. Mark was a great guy, but a man needs his own space.

His thoughts wandered away from him as he made a pot of coffee and changed out of his cocktail clothes.

What a night it had been. Dwight and Michael had kept him on the edge of embarrassment. And Karen - GOD! First with her "prank," which he suspected was a ploy to make him jealous in the way that she was jealous. And he didn't want to see her for the rest of the night. He had decided that within the first ten minutes of being in her apartment. So, he had left hurriedly with a kiss on the cheek and a promise to call tomorrow. Because he couldn't take that look in her eyes, the look that told him she wanted this to be a special night. Honestly, he'd already had enough stress tonight to last him for the rest of their relationship.

Maybe that's the truth, he thought. Maybe he'd had enough stress from this relationship. He had never meant for it to go this far. But Karen was sweet and beautiful. And fun. And she offered his heart the protection he needed. Without someone, anyone, to keep him in line he would have already fallen right back into the black hole Pam Beesley created around her. The events surrounding Andy's trip to anger management had proved that to him. It had been so easy to fall back into things with Pam. It had finally felt right to turn to her, to prank someone with her, to laugh with her again, to make her smile.

But he couldn't go back there again. Not really. Not permanently. So, he stayed with Karen. And was it so bad?

Not usually. But tonight… ugh.

Sometimes Karen was just a little too crazy.

But it wasn't so bad. And did he want his heart broken again? Did he want to put himself out there with Pam, only to return battered and bruised? Again? Sometimes he had wondered if the risk was worth it. But Phyllis's wedding had proved him right, yet again. Pam had gone back to Roy. And what if he had put himself out there and tried again? What if he had been emotionally involved again? He didn't think he could have stood it.

Not that he _wasn't_ emotionally involved.

Not that he _could _stand it.

But wasn't it better to pretend? To pretend with Karen?

And if not better, it was easier, right? Easier than trying to fix things.

Jim sipped on his coffee as he headed into the living room to space out in front of the TV. He was about to reach for the remote when he noticed his answering machine blinking. He hit play.

"Two new messages. First new message received Friday at 11:47 PM"

BEEP!

"Hey, Jim. It's me. You left your cell phone here. I'll bring it to you tomorrow, but I just wanted to let you know.

Oh, and Pam Beesley called you."

A flurry of thoughts that had spurred from this message, like "Why does she just assume I know her voice?" and "Oh, I guess my phone _isn't _in my pocket." were all silenced at the last sentence.

Pam? Pam called? Pam hadn't called him in…months. What…

"Next new message received Friday at 11:51 PM…"

BEEP!

"Jim?"

Pam! He instinctively moved closer to the phone.

"This is Pam. I need to talk to you. Tonight. It's kind of important and… well, just call me back as soon as you can, okay?"

She sounded like… she was trying to keep calm. And trying to push down panic. She sounded like she needed his help. Or someone's help. But she had called him.

He sprung into action and reached for the phone, but stopped when he heard the doorbell.

Damn! Who was here? Karen with his phone? Couldn't she see he was _busy_!?

Jim moved toward the door and opened it a little too hard, practically throwing it out of the way. He stopped all motion when he saw that it was Pam standing on his step, and the door, still in its angry motion, slammed into his head.

"Jim!" Pam shouted his name, obviously startled by the ferocity of his actions.

"Pam!" He shouted, back, ignoring the pain in his head and launching himself out the door. "Are you okay? What happened? I just got your message and I was just about to call you back." He felt frantic, he needed to know what had happened, why was she here, why did she need him so badly as to show up at his house when they had barely spoken in the last few months? He moved forward without thinking and touched her shoulder, desperate to find out what was wrong. Desperate to fix things.

"Um.." she said, clearly unfocused by his own urgency. Suddenly, Jim felt foolish.

And just as suddenly, Pam's eyes focused on his own and she said, "I'm in love with you."

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End notes:

1. Oh, no! A cliffhanger! It's funny because while I was writing this I hadn't meant for Pam to say that, but when I typed it, well, it just felt right. So, I stuck with it.

2. In response to the reviewer who thought Karen was lying: After I read your review I thought that this would be an interesting plot, but I already had this plot ready to go. Perhaps I will pursue an alternate story where she does lie.

3. Please review! Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!


	3. Chapter 3

-1A few beginner notes:

1. A very short chapter this time. I apologize.

2. I do not own The Office. Also, I do not own a few of the lines in this chapter. I'm sure you all know which ones. wink

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"What?" Jim said, astonished, barely managing to force the word out of his mouth.

Pam hadn't meant to say that. Honestly, she had meant to say, "Roy is out to get you." or even just "I need to talk to you," but something in his eyes had changed her. The look of worry, concern, panic had made her thoughts whirl. He cared about her, still. He cared so much, still, that he didn't even know what had happened and he was frantic. He was hitting his face with his own door. He was ready to comfort her, to encourage her, to protect her, to fight for her. And she thought of all the times he had in the past…

Jim comforting her with laughter whenever she was down.

Jim encouraging her to follow her dreams, and take the internship.

Jim protecting her from the embarrassment of the "Longest Engagement" Dundie.

Jim fighting for her love, telling her the truth, kissing her, helping her to realize the path she was on was worthless, pointless…

And she was in love with him.

And he deserved to know.

"I'm really sorry if that's weird for you to hear, but I needed you to hear it. Probably not good timing. I know that, I just…"

She repeated his own words to him, without even realizing it. Because she knew it all by heart, and it was all she could think to say.

"What are you doing?" He whispered. "What do you expect me to say to that?" He asked, as if they were both in a dream. A wonderful, terrible dream.

"I just needed you to know." Pam said, her voice breaking as the tears began to fall down her cheeks.

"Once."

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Please continue to review! Every time I see a review, it makes me want to put up a new chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

-1A few beginner notes:

1. Another very short chapter this time. I apologize. However, you get two chapters in one day because it is Thursday and there is no Office on tonight. Boo.

2. I do not own The Office.

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Jim was staring at Pam. He knew what the next two words were supposed to be. He had memorized the scene in his head, every word she had spoken, every inflection, every movement. And he could follow the script now. He could look her in the eyes and pierce her heart with a knife called "I can't." As she had done to him.

And a part of him wanted to. A part of him realized that she wanted him to. And as he watched the tears silently fall from her eyes, his face softened and his heart thawed. And he felt like the Grinch, like his heart was growing three sizes and finally filling his ribcage again. It pounded painfully within him as he slowly moved forward, placed his thumbs gently on her cheeks and brushed away her tears with one, soft, sweet, honest motion.

And suddenly the spell had broken, and she launched herself into his arms, sobbing.

His heart, newly large, contracted at the sound of her sobs. He gently wrapped his arms around her and moved slightly backward to lean against the outer wall of his house. He didn't know how it could support them both, he felt like they were so heavy.

Pam barely noticed the motion, and her sobs continued without pause. Jim rubbed his hands up and down her back. He bent down and let his chin rest on the top of her soft, curly head.

"Sssshhh…" Jim tried to sooth her, to calm her, but the pain within his own heart was making it so hard, and her sobs were shooting through him, as if each tear were a dagger. Soon, unwelcome and unwanted, his own tears filled his eyes and began to mix with her hair on his chin. He felt his voice break as he barely managed to choke out, "I love you, too, Pam."

"I love you, too."

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Oh, no, dear readers. This may seem like a happy ending, but this is not the end of my story!

So, it's final exam week for me. Hopefully I can get a couple of more chapters up this week! I will do my best I promise.


	5. Chapter 5

-1Author's Note: Another installment. Here's a short recap: Pam goes to Jim's place. She accidentally confesses love. Jim responds with love.

I don't own The Office. No copyright infringement is intended.

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It could have been the perfect moment.

It would have been the perfect moment for Karen to arrive at Jim's doorstep to discover Pam in his arms. Karen would scream at him. And probably cry. And maybe throw something at them. And slap Jim for good measure.

It would have been the perfect moment for Roy to come barreling down Jim's driveway to discover Pam in his arms. Roy would yell. And probably call Jim names. And maybe call Pam a slut. And punch Jim in the nose. And in the stomach for good measure.

It would have been the perfect moment for Pam to look up and for Jim to look down and for their lips to meet in a remarkable second-slash-third kiss.

But Pam Beesley was a long way from perfect. And Jim Halpert had a way of letting moments pass him by.

And, so, what happened was completely, utterly and totally un-perfect.

Just like them.

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The sun was bright, and that's what annoyed Pam about it. She awoke Saturday morning to the sun shining into her room, as if it were going to be a good day. She knew, without even opening her eyes, that it probably wouldn't be.

Crawling out of bed, Pam began her morning routine by striding to the bathroom for a shower. She tried to persuade herself not to think about the night before. What was the use in thinking about the tears she had left on Jim's shirt, or how soft his fingers had felt on her cheeks. What was the point in thinking of how much it had hurt to pull herself from his arms.

But she didn't belong there.

It was Karen who owned the space between Jim's long arms. Pam thought bitterly that she had somehow missed the bid for that piece of real estate. But she didn't have to think long to remember how.

_I can't_. _I'm sorry if you misinterpreted things. I can't. I think we're just drunk. I can't. I can't. I can't. _

And again, she reminded herself not to think about it. Concentrate on the hot water hitting skin, the feel of shampoo in her hair, washing away his tears…

Pam abruptly turned off the water and reached for her towel. Clearly the shower was not helping take her mind of things at all. Giving in to her thoughts she focused on the previous night.

"_Pam, I don't know."_

"_What don't you know?"_

"_I need to sort this out. I'm confused."_

"_Okay."_

"_Pam…"_

"_No, I understand."_

And she had run. Again. Run from the touch of his fingers as he had reached for her. Run from the uncertainty in his eyes. Run from her own courage, which had sprung up so suddenly and retreated when she had seen his hesitation. He wasn't sure. He didn't know. He couldn't give her what she was asking for. Not at that moment. And she needed it in that moment.

And he had called out. _Pam!_ But what else was there to say?

It was in that moment that Pam decided to curl up with a bottle of wine for the rest of the weekend.

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Ending notes: I am sorry this took so long! I have had a crazy couple of weeks with finals and spring break. After seeing some recent promos for the next episode I'm thinking of going in a similar direction in the next chapter. However, I am going to try and finish this story before April 5th!


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